The Good, The Bad & Sometimes It Gets Ugly
Marriage, children and family. All treasured. All held so tight in our hearts. Despite our commitment to have the best of these things, marriage is between two people who are not perfect. (heard that before did ya?) Children walk their own paths irregardless of the one you raised them on. The family you planned to have became something else all together. Can you relate with me? It's okay. Life gets very real. There is such a cold, hard reality that we never expected sometimes. We can warm it up though, by forgiving ourselves, and loving through.
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I did, however wear my defensiveness on my sleeve. Of course, just when I think that stain has laundered out, traces of it are still there.
Some years back we found out my husband is Bipolar. Knowing what the heck was going on helped a lot. There was counseling, medications and lots of stress. We grew very distant. After going to the very brink of our marriage, we have been working towards each other again. We have let each other know that the other is valued and loved.
I can now know that my husband does love me, even though this disease stands like a stout fence, keeping that love from reaching me freely. So I wait at the fence. Steady in love as the fence itself. I bide my time as the emotional roller coaster runs its coarse. It seems to come and go like p.m.s!
Many's the day I waltz right through the gate and enjoy the companionship that is ours alone. Other days I am abruptly met by the pit bull of this mental illness, and I waltz right back out the gate. I try not to take it personally anymore. There will always be times when I come back through the gate with my emotions chewed up. That reality can't always be avoided. So, the Band-Aids of a deeper reality are put on. The emotional response that chewed my emotions up were just that. A roller coaster of emotions spilling off the track. This is not the steadfast love that brings me plants and flowers for my yards, praises my cooking and has barely left my side when I have needed to be in the hospital. That's the deeper reality. What I focus on, and wait to re-emerge.
In the meantime I hope you can find some healing in the deeper realities of your life if need be. I'll be writing about the deeper reality of the kids in another post.
So, yes, things are good, things are bad and sometimes they get ugly. Which ever it is, you're always welcome at the Homehearth.
